What is this Adventure?

Full-time Mama & Part-time school social worker in the throes of toddlerhood at its best and worst. In my short tenure as a member of the prestigious Mamahood club, I find the reality of it all to be amazing, exhausting, hilarious, challenging, a blessing, lonely at times, nostalgic, guilt-ridden, and the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me...all at once. Sit back, read, laugh and cry with me on my adventure!

Monday, February 11, 2013

Holy Hilariousness

I SOOO wish I had a picture of this for you...
but I don't.  I had to play "mama" instead.
Sometimes I hate when I feel like I have to be responsible...especially when that means I don't capture funny pictures on camera for you.

For those of you who know my family, you will also know that my three year old struggles to fall asleep at night.
And "struggle" is an understatement.

Here's the story:

Today, Kieran did not want to leave the babysitter's house because he was playing with toys that he did not want to give up.  In the end, his four year old friend let him "borrow" a little M&M flashlight...
Kieran 1 - Mama 0

Kier happily got into the car and played with his flashlight all the way home.  Then, in the excitement of being home, the honeymoon phase with the flashlight was over....or so I thought...

Routine commenced...dinner, baths, pajamas, books, and "bedtime"...in quotes, because he almost never falls asleep right away.  Typically he begs for someone to stay with him, then he begs for one more story, then a few more begs of different natures as one of us head downstairs.

Tonight was no different.  Just like most nights, I hear some rumbling around upstairs, some talking, singing, etc.  I ignore it, listening only to hear if he needs help on the potty.  Then, again like most nights, it gets quiet.

Time passes.  As I am watching the ONLY television show that I watch all week (Biggest Loser), I hear a door slam.  Hmmm....Arg...so I head upstairs to see what's going on.

I come upstairs to see that many lights are on.  The hallway bathroom, the master bathroom, the closet..I walk around turning off lights and looking for my son.  He is nowhere to be found!  What the @&*#?

All the sudden, I hear a little voice....
         "HEY!  Who turned off the lights?"

I turn to find the voice...INSIDE the CABINETS of the hallway bathroom.  Literally crouched in a tiny area where the towels barely fit.  Sitting there.  With his M&M flashlight.  Smiling.  "Hi Mama.  Who turned off the lights?  Isn't that strange?"

I lost it.  I burst into laughing.
Holy freakin hilarious.
Kieran 2 - Mama 0

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Holding my breath...

I realized yesterday that since my miscarriage in early January, I have been sitting in a holding pattern...
And while I haven't pulled myself out of it, I definitely have come to the conclusion that this holding pattern is not leading to a healthy happy peaceful family.  

To lighten up this serious blog, I am going to attach some pictures of Kieran, displaying different emotion faces (I am teaching my Special Education classes emotions right now and Kieran was acting as a guinea pig to see if I could "teach" him how to make your face reflect a certain emotion.)

Ok, funny, right?  Anyway, back to my thoughts:

My holding pattern....
I'm waiting to get pregnant again.
In the meantime, I find myself refusing to move forward in many ways, I'll explain:

1.  My house is a wreck.  I put together a cleaning schedule and every now and then I kick myself into doing it, but I have piles of paper, bills, etc, piling up....a symptom of how my life feels right now...disorganized and cluttered.

2.  I need to decide on my career move for next year.  I have made little movement - there are things that I could look into, but I'm just not really moving forward...when I found out I was pregnant and due in late August, I was actually hoping to stay home for another year - now...I'm in a holding pattern.

3.  I need to decide on a pre-school for Kieran.  I'm using the excuse of "I don't know where/when I'll be working next year so I can't decide on a pre-school"...which is kinda true...but really I just have a whole lot of excuses for my holding pattern.

4.  I need to get back into shape, eat right, and get back into a good mind-body state.  I am cycling in and out of this - I'll have one good day, then bam, terrible....I can't seem to keep on track and have found myself saying, "when I get pregnant again, I'll be healthy again..."  excuse? yes.

So, how did this small realization occur?  My mom, of course.  My mom is an amazingly strong woman, let me say.  She also has this strange ability to know when to be empathetic and when to just give me the hard truth.  I'm not even sure she knows that she did this yesterday...but as I am sitting there chatting with her, telling her about how I have this and that to think about for my job next year "but what I really want is to be pregnant and therefore I'm not making any moves yet"...she says...bluntly..."well, yeah, that will come, but in the meantime..." and her sentences kinda dropped off...

She didn't really have to say any more than that.
In the meantime....

I wish I could just take that advice.
But, I'm too busy holding my breath.

Well, at least I can write about it.

In my mind, I can also hear myself telling my heart, "be gentle to yourself".
My good friend Margo reminds me of that all the time.  And today she sent me a gift to remind me just of that.  Be gentle to yourself.

I'm trying.

That's enough for now.
Thank you Mom.
Thank you Margo.
I'll try to remember both of those things at the same time.