What is this Adventure?

Full-time Mama & Part-time school social worker in the throes of toddlerhood at its best and worst. In my short tenure as a member of the prestigious Mamahood club, I find the reality of it all to be amazing, exhausting, hilarious, challenging, a blessing, lonely at times, nostalgic, guilt-ridden, and the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me...all at once. Sit back, read, laugh and cry with me on my adventure!

Friday, April 30, 2010

Prayers for you...

It's ironic that yesterday I wrote about all my developmental fears as a mom...and while they are true fears, I could write them in a light-hearted way, because, let's face it, so far my son is healthy.
But today I found out that someone close to me is in her second trimester and found out that her baby has a congenital heart disorder...that apparently is very serious and could require multiple heart surgeries and a possible heart transplant within the first year of the baby's life...
It's every mom's worst nightmare.
And yet she wrote an email to inform everyone sounding as strong as a woman who has weathered this before and who will weather this time and time again. She writes with the grace of a saint while I know she must be terrified as well.
So, today's entry is dedicated to you and your dear one growing inside you, even though you'll never read this...

i said a prayer for you today
and while i said it, a tear fell down my cheek
the life God creates inside us
a miracle
is lent to us
and while we may like to choose that life
like choices out of a catalogue
healthy, smart, and calm, please
God lends us what She does
and lends us the Grace
to weather through
our hopes, dreams, every last breadth of energy
doled out to our little ones
until we are empty
empty and full
may She grace you with strength
the love you already have
to carry you through

When things like this happen, i feel blessed and guilty. Blessed that Kier is healthy. Guilty that Kier is healthy and growing baby is not, that I can rejoice when others are terrified, that my biggest health decision is vaccinations and hers is whether or not to do in-utero surgery. So all I can do is pray. and I'll ask Kier to pray...his prayer line is a lot shorter to God....he was just there 14 months ago....

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Life Lesson: Never work in Special Ed before having your first child...

If you have ever taken a basic psychology class, one of the things about which they joke is that you will begin diagnosing all of your family members using DSM classifications...

Being that I am not only a social worker, but a SCHOOL social worker, I spent most of my career working with children in Special Education.

So, of course, with my first child, I have diagnosed him with several disorders....all before the age of six months.

When Kieran was younger and I was first learning his hunger vs. tired signals, he would press his little mouth firmly against my arm sleeve while shaking his head back and forth and shouting...as if he were angrily biting me - so of course I came to believe that he has intermittent explosive disorder and will need intensive anger management therapy.

Kieran shakes his leg CONSTANTLY while eating - he can't slow down until he falls asleep - so of course he has ADHD combined type...should I medicate or try cognitive-behavioral therapy first?

THEN Kieran began shaking his head back and forth rapidly and laughing...he started to do this more and more...as if he was self-stimming off of this behavior....yup, you guessed it, maybe he falls along the autism spectrum!

Oh man, the list goes on...
Developmental Disorder - (he rolled over from his back to his stomach first and doesn't like to be on his tummy)
Sensory Processing Disorder - (he cries while getting dressed and would rather be naked)
Eating disorder - bulimic type (spitting up all his rice cereal and binge eating constantly)

But really, while I find myself overly paranoid at times, I do feel very fortunate on many levels.
So far, Kieran has been healthy and progressing in his development.
Furthermore, I always thought to myself that I am blessed to be in the field that I am, because if I do have a child with disabilities, I will have some background knowledge of how to help him/her and I would also know how to advocate for the things he/she needed. That, and I do LOVE working with kids with intermittent explosive disorders and ADHD, so that's a plus...

I have always been very humbled by the parents in my school district with children with special needs and I hope to be just as excellent a mama if my child should have special needs as well.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Enough salty tears already!

I really am not sure how all you working moms do it.
I mean, there are many women who go back to work after just six, count them SIX, weeks of maternity leave.
I have had five amazing, wonderful months already being home...and I have four more...and then I'm only going to be working part-time...
and I'm a wreck...

I read a friend's friend's blog tonight...she is a wonderful mommy. She has to work. And she wrote her blog title, "Can I just have 5 more minutes of maternity leave?" (something like that)...she proceeded to write a letter to her baby girl who is nine months old..."Dear Baby, Even though I've been back to work for five months, I still miss you"...and I just started crying.

Oh dear.

I am not headed back to work just yet. I am enjoying every last second of his little journey. But I am in the process of figuring out what I will do for day care for two days a week. How do you decide who will be the second-hand-mommy verses who is the negligent-babysitter? How do I know if my little one will be left alone in a corner crying all day? How will I reconcile with the fact that baby K will do things for the first time while I'm not watching? This is time that I can't get back...I just never imagined myself as a "working mom".

This will be my biggest lesson yet on letting go.

And yet I know, if I were to talk to my mom, that she would relay to me that there will be much bigger "letting go" lessons to come...

I hope I can weather through them without soaking all my t-shirts with salty tears.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Rated R Material!

Please be advised that you must be over the age of 18 to read the following accounts of Mamahood...

I had to call my mom up right after it happened.
The eye-hand coordination was really too priceless.
After breast feeding for a while yesterday, Kieran decided to take his chubby little hand, reach out and grab my nipple, and proceeded to desperately pull it and his hand into his mouth while shaking his head back and forth to make everything fit...
Quickly realizing that this did not work because his hand was in the way, he began to laugh as I was already in hysterics.

Now I have seen the computer video clips of how the nipple stretches out during breast feeding. I have even seen my own stretch while pumping. But honestly...I have NEVER seen it stretch like it did when Kieran man-handled it!

This was one step up over the motor-boating he has been doing lately at the end of feeding...
You know what I mean...he has been giving me a "raspberry" (to my nipple) directly after eating....

My sister told me I should re-tell Kieran these stories when he is a teenager.
I don't want to be disowned...so I think I will keep this information between me, sis, Mom, and the blogging world....